Monday, 21 November 2011

JD's Eye View 21st November 11

I’m A Celebrity has been in action for a full week now and things are heating up in the jungle, not least of all with Jessica-Jane Clements’ enormously inflated boobs practically always on show.
Sinitta has been the best value Celeb thus far screaming and twitching her way through 3 bush-tucker trials like a Tourettes sufferer on magic mushrooms. Sunday nights’ live trial was by far the funniest thing seen on TV this week. The laughter in my house as Sinitta attempted - and failed - to hold a baby lobster between her teeth for 20 seconds could be heard around Europe, unconfirmed reports state that the last time she had something as creepy and mis-shaped in her mouth was when she dated Simon Cowell.

Elsewhere in Reality TV Land, Craig was given the boot from X Factor. The likable chubby scouser crooned his way through several live shows but the public have spoken and he can now look forward to continuing his former career packing biscuits in a factory, although judging by the timber the lad carries he’s not very good at that either. Still it’s a step up from Hair Bear bunch reject Frankie whose career as a 1st Class Cunt is rapidly coming to an end and patrons of his local McDonalds will be pleased to hear he’ll be back on duty in the Drive-Thru (giving head to any bloke with a fiver) by the end of the month.
Thursday the 17th of November 2011 will be best remembered as the day the Germans took over Birmingham City centre. No need to be alarmed though folks, this isn’t the 2nd coming of the Third Reich, it’s the annual pilgrimage of Frankfurt stall-holders best known in Birmingham as the German Market (we Brummies are an inventive sort). For the next 4 weeks citizens of and visitors to the Second City will be able to sample some of Germany’s finest exports and no I don’t mean the bodies of dead eyed, emaciated Jews gassed during WW II.
Women all over the West Midlands will wax lyrical and delight us with tales of the last time they had an 8 inch German (sausage) in their mouths. The German market isn’t all fun and games though well not if the miserable looking Kraut market traders are anything to go by. Quite why they look such a sorry bunch is beyond me as they make a fortune, the robbing Kraut fuckers even charge you for the glass your beer comes in.