Tuesday, 28 February 2012

JD's Eye View 28th Feb 12

New data has shown that the teen pregnancy rate has hit its lowest point in England and Wales since 1969.
Something I first noticed about this is that Scottish teens aren’t included. This can be for many reasons but I feel the main one being that Scotland is clearly full of teenage slappers - who think contraception means downing can after can of Tennents Super whilst shutting their eyes during intercourse - and Scottish men are more than seedy enough to gain kudos from shagging pissed-up teenage girls. Clearly the only virgin left in Scotland is Susan Boyle, although I’m pretty if she were a teen today her chastity would have been removed by a  foul-smelling-pasty-faced-ginger (Scotsman if you prefer) many moons ago.
Contrary to this report the powers that be have announced an overall increase in the pregnancy rate by 1.7%. This is due mainly to the fact that more women between 30 & 45 are now having babies. So teen pregnancy reduces while the rate in over 30s has risen dramatically, the government will tell you this is because they’re educating our teens better about contraception, BULLSHIT this is because men – with the exception of paedophiles - are clearly loving being seduced by older and more sexually experienced women. Or if you’re from Leeds you are impregnating your bird and her mom at the same time.
Olympics Minister Hugh Robertson has today released a statement claiming the 2012 Games will come under budget. Latest figure show that the £527m contingency budget is still intact with only 150 days to go till the start of the Olympics. One has to wonder how many corners have been cut in order to reduce the running costs of the Games. Obviously the government saved lots of cash by using (delete as appropriate) Polish/Slovenian/Russian/Armenian/Slovakian/Belarusian/Latvian workers instead of British builders, something which hasn’t gone down well within the Irish community as they simply won’t work for less than £12 P/Hour – a weekly wage in Eastern Europe.
The government hope the Olympics will have something for everyone and bring us closer together as Brits. Can’t really see this happening, as we UNIQUE Islanders have vastly different tastes when it comes to what we like and dislike. For example I couldn’t give a toss about gymnastics but I’ve a good idea that every Peado across the country will be glued to the screens when the Russian gymnast team takes to the floor.

Finally, Liverpool have ended a trophy drought of 6 years and won this year’s Carling Cup (Arsene Wenger take note) beating Cardiff in the final. Cardiff were valiant in defeat and didn’t look sheepish on the Wembley pitch at all, until it came to spot kicks.
When their team bus left Wembley the Liverpool players were looking dapper in their post-match finery, I hadn’t seen that many Scousers in suits since the Hillsborough enquiry. All joking aside, my warm congratulations go out to the Liverpool team for being such good patriots and beating a - Non-English - team 19 places below them in the league…


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